Tuesday, October 8, 2013

In need of help....

  The weather is absolutely beautiful the past three days. They say Texas doesn't have a winter, we just have cold fronts! Because Im sure this time next week the temp will go back up to 98. But right now its 69. Which is very lovely. I absolutely love this time of year. Its my favorite. When the weather starts to change, kissed the humidity and heat good bye! OOH its just lovely! I get to drive with my windows down, hair blowing in the wind and music turned up on my fav country station. I love it!

But lately, my life has seemed to just be so out of my control its not funny. I would have never imagined these past 7 months to go the way they have been. This is going to be real, raw and Im going to put the truth out there. Because honestly, I need help, and advice on how to deal with the situation that I am in.

Two weeks ago, Jeremy comes home from taking Brayden (his son) back to where he lives. Just a little back story for those of you who don't know. Brayden is Jeremy's 9 year old from a previous relationship. His mother is the worst person to deal with. She makes everything VERY difficult for us. We are supposed to get him on Thursday night for about 3 hours and then every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend. None of this happens btw. She will NOT follow what the courts have ordered and doesn't care. She is rude to both of us, she called Jeremy one Sunday morning that we had him and demanded that he be ready for her to pick him up at 10 am. And when Jeremy said no...she called ME a B$T%&!!! ME...I don't have anything to do with it..ANYWAYS...that's not my point.

My point is this. We found out I was pregnant the third week of April, which just happened to be Brayden's spring break. We didn't tell anyone because I wanted to go to the Dr. just to be sure, and also give it sometime to develop and be sure. As any mother knows, you want to make sure you get out of the woods first, before spilling the beans. So we waited. Well, about a month later Jeremy's mom was very suspicious of me. She kept looking and starring at me. I was nervous. I thought...oh Crap! She knows. So she started asking Jeremy questions...he spilled the beans to her. She was all over the moon excited. She declared first that it was going to be a girl. And that she can't wait to start buying girl clothes and bows etc...Asked me what I was going to decorate her room like etc...All before we found out exactly what Baby Favors was going to be!
My ultrasound was August 6th. We decided to wait until the 17th to spill the beans on the gender. The morning of the 17th came and I was so nervous! I kept getting texts from friends and family demanding for us to declare what it is. So we did it. We sent all of our family and friends the same picture...remember this one?

Yep, everyone got that picture. Well, there wasn't one person that didn't say " I told you so" We are happy, so what everyone else thought didn't matter. Jeremy's mom and my mom were the most excited. Well then came the end of August when things started to change. Its hard for me to explain it, but my mom got really possessive. I don't write much about my mom or family on here (other than Jeremy) because to be honest I don't have a close relationship with them. My mom and dad divorced almost two years ago, and its been very weird and just awkward since then. And my mom has some health issues. And if I let her into my life for a long period of time, she becomes a wrecking ball. But she had become very possessive of my unborn child. Then Jeremy's mom got very distant.
 A couple of weeks ago he came home and said that his mom said she "is having a hard time getting excited about Laynie" My heart sank. My feelings were hurt. I didn't show it to Jeremy, and it actually didn't even hit me until the next day. I got to work and BOOM. I was a mess. I cried all day. I just thought about how innocent Laynie is to everything. And how unfair it is for someone who is supposed to be apart of her cant be excited?!
  And its all because of Brayden's mom. See Debbie (Jeremy's mom) has always been on team Tracy. Even after him and I got together, I remember how much she used to talk about them as if they were still a couple. Even after them not being together for over 7 years, she still looked to them to get back together. Debbie is very close with Tracy. They go out to eat together on a weekly basis. Debbie is always at Tracy's mother's house (where Tracy, her husband her daughter and Brayden live) There isn't a day that passes that they aren't together or talking on the phone. The day that Lady passed away we decided to bury her at Debbie's house because that was our home. That's where we lived. It was home to LB. In the meantime Debbie, Jeremy and I had gotten into an argument about how disrespectful I thought that Debbie was to have such a close relationship with Tracy. Tracy always ends up finding out information about us, and there is only one person she can learn it from...Debbie. So we asked her to not only respect us when we are around, but also when we aren't around. The answer was NO. So I proceeded to tell her that I will not ever let Laynie stay with her without one of us being around. I cannot trust her and I think its rude.

And now since I don't "approve" of her relationship with Brayden's mom, she has chosen Tracy over her own son's family. And Jeremy and I are both hurt by it. We want Laynie to have all of her family around her. I grew up without both sets of grandparents. One side it was just my Grandma and she was so far away and by her choice she didn't care for us. On the other side it was also just Grandma and she too was so far away.

This has been weighing on my heart, kind of stressing me out in a way. I am just not sure what to do. Half of me wants to say Screw you, we don't want you in our lives anyway, but the other half for Jeremy wants to smack her and say you need to chose your son crazy! Who doesn't chose their own flesh and blood??!!

Am I wrong for feeling this way? What do we do? Have any of you ever been in this situation? What should we do? What would you do?

I'll take any advice I can get. If you want to privately email me you can, or just leave me a comment below. I really appreciate all input and feedback!


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